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这篇托福作文能得几分?

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这篇托福作文能得几分?
Distance Learning Or Classroom Learning As the development of computer technology,not only can we learn courses in the classroom,but also we can learn from the internet.As to whether learning online or learning in the classroom,in my opinion,I prefer to learning in the classroom.First of all,notwithstanding the internet learning develops quickly,I think learning in the class is more suitable and better for students,for the internet learning hasn't been widely used and its mode is not so mature .As is known to us all,most of the students studying in classrooms,teachers have more experiences in classroom-teaching than that on internet.Therefore,the quality of receiving education in classroom is better than online learning.Next,when students are in a classroom,they can change ideas and communicate with other students and teachers,but this doesn't exist in online learning.The communication ability is really an important part of students' development.While students are acquiring knowledge of different subjects,communicating with others can improve your EQ and the ability to deal with relationship between person and person.Later on,if students are learning in a classroom,it will be easier for the teachers to take charge of the class and use the discipline.But in the online learning,students can't be seen by the online teachers.And the effect and efficiency of a class can't be guaranteed.Teachers also don't know what their students are doing.Once you are in a classroom,with the charge of the teacher,everybody is concentrating on the blackboard,and you have to follow the students even you want to do something else.If you don't follow the rules,you will be punished.And another advantage of learning in classroom is that teachers can use different strategies for different students according to students' circumstances.At last,I want to say that both learning online and learning in a classroom have their advantages and drawbacks.But concerning it in a provident way and think the issue deeply,I may conclude that the advantages of learning in a classroom outweigh more than learning online .Although this choice is kind of conservative,the other is too radical for students,for there aren't so many trials on online learning.
这篇托福作文能得几分?
1楼你就瞎说吧,误导别人有意思么?2楼你肯定没认真看
1.not only but also 你主语用重复了
2.Prefer to do 不是doing
你这属于硬伤
3 think learning in the class is more suitable and better for students,think 后面不可以直接跟完整句子,要有that引导
后面不太必要看了,同学,我想劝你一下,不爱听就算了,你的文章太多的东西不是你能掌握的,短语和句式能看出你严重模仿不成功的痕迹.而且你组织的长句很多不符合英语规则.
托福要的是acceptable written english 一味追求自己不会的东西是不行的,建议你多用简单一些的句式 用你真正掌握的短语
这篇文章错误太多,得不了高分的,最多22,应该在20左右
对不起,我是为你好,这么说希望你不要介意.
如果你想知道问题所在,如何提高可以HI我