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英语翻译AIDS was raging in Eastern Africa — where it was called

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英语翻译
AIDS was raging in Eastern Africa — where it was called “slim”,after the appearance of victims wasting away — within a few years after its emergence was established in the eastern Congo basin;
谢谢你们的回复。
AIDS was raging in Eastern Africa — where it was called “slim”,after the appearance of victims wasting away — within a few years after its emergence was established in the eastern Congo basin; however,the conflicting theories about the origin of AIDS are highly controversial and politicized,and the controversy is far from being settled.1981年艾滋病的出现在世界上得到确认,没过几年,这种病就在非洲东部流行起来——当地人管它叫“瘦病”,因为患者的容貌是日渐消瘦。关于这种病毒的发源地,一种说法是发源于东刚果盆地;然而关于艾滋病来源的说法不一,很有争议,且带有浓厚的政治色彩;这场争论至今还远未结束。
以上是原文的翻译,可是我觉得这样子翻不对,我认为这样改一下才对,如下:
艾滋病在它首先出现在东刚果盆地以后接下来的几年时间当中,就迅速在非洲东部流行起来--当地人管它叫“瘦病”,因为患者的容貌日渐消瘦。这种关于艾滋病来源的说法不一,很有争议,且带有浓厚的政治色彩;这场争论至今还远未结束。
请多指教。
英语翻译AIDS was raging in Eastern Africa — where it was called
艾滋病在东非泛滥 - 它出现于东刚果盆地后几年之内,当患者出现日渐消瘦的情况后 - 在那里被称为“苗条病”.