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第一次写sat作文,求指导~

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第一次写sat作文,求指导~
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?
I think it is really very important to challenge the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority.It can not only benefits the individuals but also causes deep effects of the whole society.Truth is always prepared for the one who is creative and has the courage to discover it.Galileo`s famous experiment on the leaning tower and Copernicus` astronomical theory are two persuasive examples of challenging authority.
Galileo,who is now regarded as"the father of science",is a science precursor of his era.It was a time when everyone believed Aristotle`s theory,claimed that the heavier a substance was,the quicker it would fall down,was right.When Galileo questioned Aristotle`s theory after his hard experiments,everyone treated him as a fool.But he wasn`t dismayed and persisted on his own opinion.In order to convince the citizens,he did an experiment,which was seemed to be a chance that everyone could mock him.He threw two iron balls on the top of Pisa tower,and the two balls which weighted differently reached the bottom at the same time.He finally proved he was right and everybody was shocked.Galileo unprecedentedly defeated the authority and won the self-esteem for himself.
Copernicus is another hero who dared to disdain the authority.He lived in a time when Christian Church was in charge of the society."The earth was the center of the universe"seemed a universally truth known by everyone.But through a series of observations and experiments,he became skeptical about it.He calculated repeatedly and finally proved that the sun is the center of the universe.However,nobody was dared to put this conclusion into public,for it invaded the authority,which meant the god.Once you disturbed the god,you were sentenced to death.But Copernicus was such a brave man that he kept on publishing his theory,which he spent his whole life completing and finally died for.Although his theory wasn`t accepted by most people at that time,it was tested to be true several hundred years later.Copernicus became a pioneer who set a monument in astronomy and was remembered permanently.
Authority is not the same as truth,truth is always waiting for someone who is creative and passionate to find it.Only when the person stands out for truth can the society make an enormous progress.
我是sat新手,自学的,第一次写的不好,请问大概有几分?
有什么需要改进的地方?
第一次写sat作文,求指导~
第一段去掉:I think,多余,而且会泄露英文水平.
第二段第一句话把挑战权威的观点揉进去,最好加上挑战权威后的effect
第三段最后一句要写类似第二段最后一句的议论句.
总的来说议论还可以再深刻一点:Galileo unprecedentedly defeated the authority and won the self-esteem for himself. 伽利略做这么一个实验不只是为了赢得自尊,效果要分析深刻一点.
全文挺有章法的.语言还略显生硬,还可以再提高提高.同意楼上8分的说法.