英语翻译For this couple days,its been raining,weather is so shit

英语翻译
For this couple days,its been raining,weather is so shitty,just want to stay home and relax,but maybe since im all alone by myself all these time,i thinked alot,about the pass,the future,think about how can i be a better person,have better perspective in life and relationships,but maybe due to the fact that i have quite alot of failed ones in the pass,it makes me wonder if im the one thats doing something wrong,am i a bad boyfriend,or is it my personality that i have no anger or temper against my girlfriend that makes them step on me all the time,or maybe all these things just happened for no reasons,or maybe they just dont know cherish what they had.i dont know...but i do believe that everything happened for a reason,just that the right time to meet the right one hasn't come yet.But on the other hand,it made me scared to express my feelings to others,the feelings that i had deep inside me.Its been hard for me,i had struggle really hard to came this far,all i want is a long lasting relationship,am i asking too much?The road i had before,the path that i walked through,not everyone can can go through what i had been through.
But for better or worse,i really hope that i will success in every way,learn from my mistakes and correct them,just need to work my way up to the top.

这几天一直在下雨,天气很差,因此我只想待在家里放松一下.但也许是因为这一段时间我一直是一个人的缘故,我想了很多关于自己的过去和将来的事情,想自己怎样才能成为一个更好的人,怎样才能有更好的前景,怎样才能处理好与别人的关系（这里的关系也可能特指下文中和女友的关系）.不过大概是由于过去有很多失败的经历,使我怀疑自己是不是个总是做错事的人.我是个糟糕的男朋友吗?或者正是由于我对女友从没有愤怒从不发脾气的个性才使得他们一直踩在我头上?或者所有的事情都只是没原因的就发生了?再或者就是他们只是不懂得珍惜他们所拥有的?…我不懂…但是我坚信,所有事情的发生必定有个原因,就是我还没有在对的时间遇上对的人.但是另一方面,这种想法使我不敢对别人表达我内心深处的情感,这对我来说已变得很难.我一直努力奋斗才走到这一步,我只是想要维持长久的关系,难道这样要求太多了吗?我所经历的,我所走过的路,不是每个人都能走过的.（可能作者走的很艰辛）
但是不管怎样,我真的希望我能够在各方面都成功,我会在错误中汲取教训并予以纠正,希望我能够通过自己的方式达到顶峰!（这个达到顶峰没准就是成功的意思）
有些地方意思还不是特别的清楚,一方面受我实力的限制,另一方面语境是通过猜测的,貌似本文作者与自己的女友闹得不愉快,两人有些误会,天气又不好,作者心情很烦很乱才写了这么篇类似日记的东西.
希望能够帮到楼主^-^