帮忙修改作文注意标点和语法,词组搭配 我觉得第一句有点别扭注意看一下怎么改更好

帮忙修改作文注意标点和语法,词组搭配 我觉得第一句有点别扭注意看一下怎么改更好
Bella's Diary----First Sight2011-12-04 11:02
It was the first day at my new school in Forks and also the day when i first saw him---Edward Cullen.
Sitting with my new friend Jessica in the lunchroom,I noticed a group of good-looking people---three handsome boys and two beautiful girls.They were exactly alike.Everyone of them was chalky pale,palest in this sunless town.They all had very dark eyes and dark shallows under those eyes as if they were all suffering from a sleepless night.
I stared at their inhumanly beautiful faces.It was hard to say who was the most beautiful,among the boys maybe was the lanky,less bulky,with untidy,bronze-colored hair.After asking Jessica,I knowed his name Edward Cullen.
Later,on my Biology Class,I surprisedly fount that I was arranged to sit by the boy I stared at just now.But during the whole class ,I was confused about his strange behaviour---he sat as far from me as possible,averting his face like he smalled something dad.I could see his hand clenched into fist and his black eyes full of revulsion.What was wrong with him?Or was this his normal behaviour?
After class,when I walked into the warm office,I heard Edward was arguing with the receptionist.He wanted to change the Biology Class time.I couldn't believe that this was about me.why he so detested me?He didn't know me from Eve.
I tried my best to fight with my tears,when I headed back to school
改的地方最好标注谢谢

Bella's Diary----First Sight2011-12-04 11:02
It was the first day at my new school in Forks and also the day I first saw him,Edward Cullen.
Sitting with my new friend,Jessica in the lunchroom,I noticed a group of good-looking people,three handsome boys and two beautiful girls.They were exactly alike.Every one of them was pale,palest in this sunless town.They all had very dark eyes and dark shallows under those eyes as if they were all suffering from a sleepless night.
I stared at their inhumanly beautiful faces.It was hard to say who was the most beautiful among the boys,maybe was the lanky one with untidy,bronze-colored hair.After asking Jessica,I knowed his name,Edward Cullen.
Later,in my Biology Class,I surprisedly found that I was arranged to sit by the boy I stared at just now.But during the whole class ,I was confused about his strange behaviour---he sat as far from me as possible,averting his face like he smalled something dad.I could see his hand clenched into fist and his black eyes full of revulsion.What was wrong with him?Or was this his normal behaviour?
After class,when I walked into the warm office,I heard Edward was arguing with the receptionist.He wanted to change the Biology Class time.I couldn't believe that this was about me.Why he so detested me?He didn't know me from Eve.
I tried my best to fight with my tears when I headed back to school.