一篇课后短文练习,写了下,估计错少不了.麻烦大家忙时候帮偶查查错,尽量能标出为何错了,

一篇课后短文练习,写了下,估计错少不了.麻烦大家忙时候帮偶查查错,尽量能标出为何错了,
Hello Peter
I’m glad that you are my new pen-friend.Let me tell you something about my self and my hobbies.
Firstly,Please allow me introduce myself.My name is LiMing and my good friends always call me xiaoR,In fact,it’s my nickname.I hope you can call me xiaoR too.Though we are only pen-friend,I think we will be good friend before long.(Here need a connecting word,make sentence comfortable,but I don’t should write?) I will be 22 years old in two weeks.At present,I’m still an undergraduate,but I’ll graduate next year.
Secondly,Let we talk about my hobby.My hobby is a lot.Such as listening music,watching TV,playing games,playing chess,etc.But I like sports rather than the others hobby.Especially is football (I don’t know if can say it),I’m good at it.You know?I attended baiduibei(百队杯) before 2004!At present I’m a normal member at my school.By the way,There is a piece of large ground to the east of my home.Its area is enough 100*80 meters!It’s cool!So I must be playing football with my friends two or three times a month at lot.Otherwise,I used to make plane model,but I don’t any more time now.
Finally what kind of sport do you like?Are you a football fan,aren’t you?What are you doing in your spare time?Expect you hear(I don’t know if can say it).
Yours truly
LiMing

Hello Peter
---Dear Peter,
英文信件格式,用`"Dear"开头,人名后要加逗号
I’m glad that you are my new pen-friend.Let me tell you something about my self
---(myself,没有空格) and my hobbies.
Firstly
---(First),Please allow me
---( to,动词不定式,要加 to) introduce myself.My name is LiMing and my good friends always call me xiaoR,In fact,it’s my nickname.I hope you can call me xiaoR(,) too.Though we are only pen-friend(s),I think we will be good friend(s) before long.
(Here Ineed a connecting word,make sentence comfortable,but I don’t should write?
---(I need a connecting word to make nice sentences.But I don't know what I should write)
I will be 22 years old in two weeks.At present,I’m still an undergraduate,but I’ll graduate next year.
Secondly(second),Let we talk about my hobby.My hobby is a lot
---( I have a lot of hobbies).
Such as listening music,watching TV,playing games,playing chess,etc.
--( I like to listen to music,watch TV,play games,play chess etc.,)
But I like sports rather than the others hobby.
---(I like sports better than other hobbies.)Especially is football .
---(Football is my favorite sport.)
(I don’t know if can say it),I’m good at it.You know?I attended baiduibei(百队杯) before 2004!At present I’m a normal member at my school.By the way,There is a piece of large ground to the east of my home.
Its area is enough 100*80 meters!
---It is 100x80 meters.
It’s cool!
So I must be playing football with my friends two or three times a month at lot.
---I usually play football with my friends two or three times a month.
Otherwise,I used to make plane model,but I don’t any more time now.
---At other times,I make plane models.I don't have any more time now.
Finally what kind of sport do you like?
---Finally,what kind of sports do you like?
Are you a football fan,aren’t you?
---You are a football fan,aren't you?
What are you doing in your spare time?
---What do you do in your spare time?
Expect you hear
---Look forward to your reply soon.(I don’t know if can say it).
Yours truly(,)
LiMing
改了很多小问题,不知你是否看得明白.